Torah Portion Humor – 7th and 8th Days of Passover

This is way too busy a time of year! Passover, taxes, work, meetings, meeting presentations, Passover, rehearsals, concerts (for the latest, go to http://www.coroallegro.com/ Handel & Haydn. You can get a $5 discount from me – I have 3 tickets left) , financial aid forms, car trouble (OK, that’s not necessarily part of this time of year), dental appointment (neither is that), rush computer replacement (nor that), and Passover. Spring is springing beautifully outside, and I’m running around like a headless chicken. It reminds me of the spring semester I spent teaching at Wellesley, where the lushness and fragrance of the campus grew in direct proportion to the students’ anxiety as finals approached.

Yes, it’s still Passover. If you’re Reform or in Israel (or both), the holiday lasts 7 days. The rest of us observe 8, so it doesn’t end until Saturday night. I mentioned last week that, since there’s no intermediate Sabbath this year, the Song of Songs, if chanted, would be chanted on the 8th day, but it’s long, 8th day services are already long, and it’s optional, so the two shuls I frequent are skipping it. But we do have another song, the Song at the Sea, which is included in the 7th day first scroll reading, Exodus 13:17-15:26. Yes, I know the midrash that has the Lord chastising the angels for celebrating the deaths of the Egyptians in the Reed Sea, but you must admit it’s a joyous and triumphant song so we might as well accept that. And it’s livened up with bits of a different melody. The second scroll reading, both days, is Number 28:19-25, which is a subset of the first two days’ second scroll reading, Numbers 28:16-25, so you already know what it concerns (sacrifices). The haftarah is the same one read for Parashat Ha’azinu in the fall, except when that Shabbat is Shabbat Shuvah.

II Samuel 22:1-51, a psalm in which David thanks the Lord for rescuing him. The eighth day first scroll reading is another of those read on various holidays. Ordinarily, it would be Deut. 15:19-16:17, but since the 8th day falls on Shabbat this year, it’s Deut. 14:22-16:17 instead. The added verses are about tithing, taking care of the needy and the Levites, remission of debts, and slaves who don’t want to be freed. The haftarah, Isaiah 10:32 – 12:6, includes a lot of famous imagery, e.g., the wolf will dwell with the lamb, the leopard will lie down with the kid, a little child will lead them, and happens to be the source of the popular song U’shavtem Mayim B’sasson about drawing water in gladness from the wells of salvation (12:3). This haftarah of redemption and the messianic era provides a fitting conclusion to the long season that began a few months ago with Shabbat Shekalim, concerning a down-to-earth head tax, and progressed through stages of increasing physical and spiritual cleansing to the holiday, which in turn began with simply telling the story and ends with a vision of the end of days.

Chag sameach,

Irene

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From Bangitout.com’s 2011Seder Sidekick, mildly edited, available at

 

 

http://www.bangitout.com/articles/viewarticle.php?a=3229

 

 

Lame Seder Jokes

 

 

What sport did they play during the plague of frogs?

Croak-ette!

 

How is a good seder like a piece of matzh?

They both should take less than 18 minutes!

 

Why did the guest leave the seder after the blessing over the matzah (motzi matzah)?

Crumby service!

 

What did the Egyptians say when they saw the first plague?

DAM!*   

*The Hebrew word for blood is dahm.

 

On freedom:

 

Q. What’s the reason for this predefined structure of the evening? Shouldn’t we be FREE to talk and do whatever whenever we want! After all, tonight we are FREE men!??? Perhaps this quote from Abraham Lincoln will help us all understand the answer: “FREEDOM is not the right to do what we want, but what we ought. Let us have faith that right makes might and in that faith let us; to the end, dare to do our duty as we understand it.”

 

Top Ten Incredibly Cheesy Seder Superheroes

 

10. PassoverKnight – He’s always different than all other knights.

 

9. MatzaMatzaMan

Within 18 minutes this superhero can flatten himself and escape anything, even your incredibly intrusive distant relative.

8. KarpasGirl

– She can make any vegetable suddenly taste like the greatest food on earth (primarily because you’re starving).

7. Sherlock Home

: He can immediately detect whether or not a home is pesachdich (kosher for Passover) enough to accept a lunch invite.

6. Man-ishtana

– He’s just like The Riddler, only in Hebrew.

5. Dr. FunnelCake

– His tempting treif (unkosher) smells are just too powerful to resist – especially when the pesachdich hot dogs at $10 bucks each at Great Adventure.

4. Pinky

– She is able to rapidly shoot wine drops to instantly ruin any table cloth or haggadah.

3. The Bitter Herb

-This is your evil uncle Herb who won’t stop complaining about how long the seder is going.

2. Wonder Woman

– This is what we call your mom after doing so much work for this holiday.

1. AfikoMan

– If you can get to him first you hold the power to get anything you want in this world!!!!!

(NOTE: “anything you want in this world!!!!!” is limited to something less than $20 bucks that can be easily picked up at the RadioShack or RiteAid located next door to your dad’s office)

 

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http://www.thoseroses.com/barb/Sedersongs2009.pdf

 A Spoon of Charoses  (to the tune of “A Spoonful of Sugar”)

At every seder every year,

There is an element of fear

When I must eat a bitter herb.

And in the moment that I dread,

The heat goes to my head,

I cough! I sneeze!

I whimper and I wheeze!

But…

(Chorus)

A spoon of charoses helps

the bitter herb go down,

The bitter herb go down,

bitter herb go down,

Yes, a spoon of charoses helps

the bitter herb go down

In the most delightful way.

So you should keep it in your mind,

If there’s a moment when you find

There’s something dreadful you must do.

It will be better if you add

A thing that’s not so bad,

A song! A sweet!

A favorite toy or treat!

Cause…

(Repeat chorus)

©2008 Barbara Sarshik

Mah nish-tanah ha-lahy-lah ha-zeh mi-kol ha-lay-lot? (to the tune of “Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious”)

Um diddle um diddle um diddle ay

Um diddle um diddle um diddle ay

(Chorus)

Mah nish-tanah ha-lahy-lah ha-zeh mi-kol ha-lay-loht?

See if you can sing it when each word is on a new note!

With an unexpected tune, the questions never sound rote.

Mah nish-tanah ha-lahy-lah ha-zeh mi-kol ha-lay-loht?

 

Um diddle um diddle um diddle ay

Um diddle um diddle um diddle ay

There’s a time when older kids complain they’re too mature.

They do not want to chant the Mah Nishtanah any more.

But here is something you can do when older kids complain:

Try to chant the Mah Nishtanah to a new refrain.

(Chorus)

Mah nish-tanah ha-lahy-lah ha-zeh mi-kol ha-lay-loht?

See if you can sing it when each word is on a new note!

With an unexpected tune, the questions never sound rote.

Mah nish-tanah ha-lahy-lah ha-zeh mi-kol ha-lay-loht?

 

Um diddle um diddle um diddle ay

Um diddle um diddle um diddle ay

Why on this night do we only eat unleavened bread?

Why do we eat bitter herbs when we like sweets instead?

Why do we dip two times on this Pesach when we dine?

Sitting at the seder table, why do we recline?

(Chorus)

Mah nish-tanah ha-lahy-lah ha-zeh mi-kol ha-lay-loht?

See if you can sing it when each word is on a new note!

With an unexpected tune, the questions never sound rote

Mah nish-tanah ha-lahy-lah ha-zeh mi-kol ha-lay-loht?

©2008 Barbara Sarshik

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http://static.fjcdn.com/pictures/Cut_6628f3_435562.png

 

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